A poem to Hailey.

Forgive me Hailey,- For I am daunt of my own future,
I contrite the fantom of my past,
and every decisons I had to count down to myself.
I just wanted to make you proud
and you abound that greater than anyone around.
The wounds didn't scar,
nor did stars always spark
now it's just me and this stark
that is dying somewhere inside.
There are too many to blame- but that's a little lame,
It isn't about who to claim,
because that leaves nothing but, ashame.
Maybe it's time for me to grow strong
and to stop defame,
before it gets a little over lane.
It's us against the world- and every breathing being in it,
together- we should learn to revive
just like the stars every night.
Be deceitful and remind-ful
of who you are,
and who you aren't trying to impress.
Because I confess,
around you,
nobody deserves a pin of your bless.

when she was 10

 She's constantly running out of words to write,

to sight

to speak

to seek

The sky was closed

when she was in a desperate need

She was lost when it wouldn't let her in

And, as for another heavy night to fall

She lights her 10th mid-night cigerette

reminising back when she was 10-

Where she always made it through the rain

on her own- always she owned a little bit of faith to the countless tears she shed

When she didn't know how to dream a 'beautiful life'

Yet she was greatful for every smile she miled-

Filed into her heart,

when she used to fight for a better tomorrow,

not knowing where that battle was going to lead to

again, she was ten...,

(4 am. I wanted to play with my cheap digital Samsung camera-, it's been a while..)

she woke up

.. and one night, she woke up

tired of life..

Maybe Oneday we'll be meant to be.

My arm auras from his wonted cologne,

but tonight I am alone

waiting for to bore into my skin

and find some way for it to sink to the heart,

so that  forever   for-long, it will be locked.

If it's fate, maybe oneday

she'll find a way to bring us together,..

I?. 17 Y.0

Am I supposed to apologize

when I'm supposed to realize

that my teenage life is supposed to be the other way around?

Let's look around and see whos been around,

and that it was I that needed to be found

Promise, I'd never ask for the crown,

but just help me

turn this frown

upside down.

maybe, 17 Y.O.

And you fall on your knees,
 searching for something to reach and find nothing to impeach-
then you look up into the sky, watching the stars fly by,
hoping one day you will fly high,
I don't know if my life is worth the cries, but I'm sure it's better than living a lie.
I remember seeing something nearby
but, at the time I was on standby,
and all my days were answers of 'why'.,
This shall too pass, and the crass shall dovine,
Maybe one day we will all learn to coalesce.,

New tattoos . 17 Y.O

^ Got this one last November . 2010

The one that says Courage, I had that since 2010, Nov 18.

I got the last 2 , 2 days ago.

I work at a hotel resuarant as a waitress and 99% of the people that comes in are from All around the world and this evening I had a conversation with one of the guy from Egypt.

I felt so touched and inspired by his words. He asked me what It said on my wrist, and so I answered

' To give'

He asked me what it meant, and I said

' Not to recieve, but to give.'

And he gave me such a great impression and respected me and this personal message. He said it was beautiful, and that I had such a beautiful heart.

In Korea, tattoos aren't great image of anyone here, I explained to him,- and that people would probably disrespect me for this and as a bad image, but he told me,

forget what others say about you. And that this message was beautiful and inspiring.

My manager ( who is the hotels' CEO's Wife) stood next to me with a disgusted expression.. Like I could've sworn that she wanted to rip it off me haha. But he explained to her that it is inspring but, she doesn't speak english well so I'm sure that, her thoughts and opinion still remains to herself and to the tattoo.

But anyays, He said so many other things I don't remember how he explained it but this words still echos in my head this moment.

'To give'

I inked.

Not to recieve, but to give.

& that moment, I felt so respected and so much greater about myself. I wish one day, other people would he more than just this in me.

17. thought. / What if

What if the sun failed to shine,
What if the cloud failed to shade,
What if the moon failed to light,
What if the ocean failed to tide,
What if air failed to breathe,
What if my heart failed to beat,
What if I failed to stand,
What if I failed to bland,
What if the leader failed to command,..
What if..
I decide to burn the past
and turned to the next exit,-
Will there still be applauses striking behind my every step?

17 Quote. Ride.

"The sky is the limit". But the clouds don't pact with limits.

+My first time riding a Farris Wheel. Was a really short- exciting adventure. It was awkward because I didn't know how to control this almost-forgotten- emotion. I'm really losing sense with my emotions. I feel like I'm only left with a few.. But I sure in hell felt like I was 8 years old again- getting in line for a roller coaster. We all remember how evoked we used to be- for being tall enough for the damn rides. :)
xo

17 Quote.

Q. (++If you can take one thing back right this moment, what would it be? A small thing, right this moment.?)

17 quote picture. Few thoughts.

-I'll be working starting tomorrow at a High Class Forginers Hotel (restaurant) !
- I am overwhelmed, Because I've been searching so long for a job I can actually USE my ENGLISH- and meeting people especially around the world.
-I'm in desperate need of buying , Nikon DSLR & Sony HD video camera.
- I want to film
-My dream is to become a Movie director/Producer.
I want to make short inspiring documentaries. And Vlogs of my Life in Korea.  :)
XOXO

17 Quote +music

Where is home?

I dreamt of this girl

Her hair flew down in curls

and her eyes divined pearls.

She would cry and I'd ask why,

She'd defy and I would nigh,

Her eyes pour tides

Like the world's broken ocean-

She'd coarsely whip her eyes..

Her eyes defined, - My very own eyes.

She unfolded my hands,

damp from her eyes,

A furrow aged note,

scribbled 'Please take me back home.'.

Then she left- and the paper awaited.

+It's almost already April,. Times flying really fast. I have a year to find out, what can I do to make me last.

So I have 2 questions. 1) When they say 'home', where and what is home to you?

2) What are your goals this year that you really want to achieve? It can be anyyyything.xo

Life & death

My precious life,
Tonight I am not going to lie,
this point- I see no reason to hide.
Out my window I see tides
And in my eyes- the world collides
I hate how this word divides.
Is there anything I can provide?
Sometimes I fall harder and at times I wish to end this faster-
But see, I have the choice of life and death,
While many others don't- they kneel on bed.
Strength can't be planted
Nor courage be granted,
It's in our fate,
It can't be changed,
so be ingrated,
Cause your future awaits.,

- I understand. ' Live today like it's your last'.

One of my friend's close friend died yesterday. I know not one thing about her, and I am devistated.. 17 years young that girl was, and her life ended too quick. She was sick for a while I heard... It just scares me because, this life & death is no joke. The things on the news or what we read aren't about 'the other people.' It's the news we read about the same people- exact people just like us. Some people don't have the choice to live as long as some of us do.. So, with do all respect- I'm going to remind myself everything when I'm feeling negative and low, to live for the people in heaven. To the ones that couldn't reach today. I dedicated a part of my life to them.

She was only 17.. Rest in Peace sweetheart. I hope your better, I hope you get to see more than this earth.

Perfection.

Sometimes I wished I was perfect,

But then I realized- If I was perfect,

There wouldn't be anyone to look up to.

I'd be alone. I don't like being alone

.

Full moon tonight..

I'm constantly having theses misconceptions of my life. I feel so induvisual and so independent like I already have the access to life- where everything is possible if I'd just go. And then I take a deep breath that reminds me that I'm only almost 17... Honestly, I don't mind being almost 17. I think it would irratate me more if I was 20 and living the way like I am now. I guess I'm afraid that if it isn't now, then it will never be.. Maybe it's because I've already lost so many chances in the past, and that I'm just scared that all those chance and oppurtunities are gone..Like I'm going to ever get them back..

+

Fifteen minutes had wasted bu from sitting here,
struggling to find the right words to fill this page up with.
I'm stuck with these voices--but, looking upside down, they look like they are stuck to me, getting between the way of my thoughts and the heart.
I can't find a clarion picture above the clear foggy clouds,
blurring the sun away when I am already vogued.
I feel sweltered,
But in a way where it's only a symptom to the Waverly, deep- thoughts that continues to dwelt.
The pulsating veins that declares to rise,
but also cease from it's wave.
I close my eyes
trying to accept the art of letting go--
and starting over,
but it has already contradicted from seconds before start.
I toss back my mind of intervene , where I am already amidst into a room
where not only darkness shines,
but also where darkness whines,
when I fold back the vines.

sister act 2. no. 2

Personally Love this song with all my heart.


alots been going on tonight..
I got back home at One AM with my mother, talking -- but i'll write more about it later. :)

Sister Act 2.

Just one of those movies that you can watch over and over without getting sick of.

Sunday. 5.17

So today, I took some time organizing my characters, plots, complex, chapters--blah, blah, blah. Yeap, that's like it. Haha. Uh I have school tomorrow, save me?

Anyways, I'm sitting here, thinking weather to eat this sweet-potato bread. (Sounds so odd when I translate these names in English, haha.) Looks good, but I'm not even hungry. Stop seducing me!! On my computer screen, it's my manuscript for "The Fifteen Year Old Naive" :)) Be patient! hehehe.

Here are some random pictures I took today.