First tattoo

Maybe not the best (late)17th birthday gift I can get myself, but I always wanted one. I don't know why. Especially 'Courage', but I wanted writted on my wrist......But my mom doesn't know so I have to keep in somewhere where she wouldn't see.. Haha. I'm horrible, and who knows, I might regret it soon, or not, but I don't regret it now, whenever I feel like crap I can just look at my arm and be like, 'Oh, damn right'. Because I got this tattoo doesn't mean its not gonna get me nowhere, it even might get me further, spiritually. xoxo

Jus this one time..

I've waited so long for a miracle..

An escape.. a solution.. an exit,

but it feels now ,that I am getting warmer..

I'm still 16, and I still don't know whats up..

Sometimes I feel like I'm trapped in the wrong body..

Sometimes I feel too young,

and sometimes I feel like I'm rushing into life, and again,

I'm only 16.

I want things done and I want things clear,

So the next time I find a road, I'll know where to go.

I'm done with seeing myself lost on the intersection..

I'm tired of the circles and I'm tired of the dark thats been keeping me to stop and wait..and to think. It's been wasting too much of my time..

I don't know what I'll see anymore when I look out outside..

I don't know if this is the right decision,

But I know this isn't the wrong.

Yes, this is what I want

But is it what I need? Or is this where I'm supposed to head?

Talking it over with my friends doesn't solve anything anymore.

But when I keep it buried inside, at times I feel like I'm going to explode..

Maybe because I know that neither of them will completely understand me..

What I'm analyzing or what I'm picturing..

Please understand that, I need this time for me, and not just for you.. Just this time,

I need someone to listen

& someone to read my heart

& my thoughts..

& scan the pictures into their mind..

& think me over like I'm their shoes..

asking, what would you have done if you where me..

But, Perhaps I am asking for too much...?

Sometimes..

I thought I lost it,

for a while, all I've thought was, 'I've lost it.'

Lost it all.

I'd look up and see no sky.

I'd look down and see no ground.

I'd look around and see no hope.

Repeated, why..why me?

Sometimes I would just lose it.

Forget the smiles

and breathe with the lies.

Harmed myself so much

that I've lost myself.

Cure was not found,

and no solution solved the problem...

Sometimes I just wished to dissapear,

Not away from home, nor into the woods.

Just completely dissapear,

Like water into air.

Sometimes I'd pray,

sometimes I'd cry,

Sometimes I sang,

& sometime I hide...

And Sometimes,

I thought great thoughts.

And that thought perspired into standing up,

weak,

but on my weak two feet.

I stood.