Hello autum. (back)

 

The autum skies sketches so far that it almost touches the stars,

9 a.m and I began the day under the stretched skies. The warmth of the sun greeting my back and the autum's breeze whispering, 'welcome back.'

Everyday is a new day and now I've begun to accept this autonomous path. No longer to blame the unreasonal rath.

Next month leads me to my last days of the 17 year old Naive. Will I still be naive in the year of eight-teen?

Twenty or Fourty, I will always be naive.

Time seems to fly so fast, it only feels like yesterday when I was 7 years old, driving a long way desert from California to Texas. .

It's time to say goodbye to summer, and the griefes I held so long in my heart

Hopefully, this will lead me to another work of art

Maybe like an abregated dark,

hopelessly aiming for the dot,

for I no longer expect

today I have begun to accept.

+I apologize for not writing for so long. Goddness, once again I have fallen into a ditch for so long.

I wrote a lot during the fall but - I don't think it is nessesary to post it up because it is too decieving. It's time for posibilities and I'm ready to boost my courage up for challenges.

I miss writing, and I missed reading your blogs.

I promise that is won't happen again.

-btw, today is such a beautiful day here in Korea.

How is(was)  your day?!

Sunday. 5.17

So today, I took some time organizing my characters, plots, complex, chapters--blah, blah, blah. Yeap, that's like it. Haha. Uh I have school tomorrow, save me?

Anyways, I'm sitting here, thinking weather to eat this sweet-potato bread. (Sounds so odd when I translate these names in English, haha.) Looks good, but I'm not even hungry. Stop seducing me!! On my computer screen, it's my manuscript for "The Fifteen Year Old Naive" :)) Be patient! hehehe.

Here are some random pictures I took today.

This is Skyer No. 2

Right now, I really did want to see the moon shatter. Not only because I would be able to witness the ‘moon-shatter-exhibition’; because I really wanted to scream. Maybe to see if my mom would really fly upstairs like wonder woman and saved me from this deluge, or ignore it—not even hear it and go back to her heavenly sleep. But both of our bets laid on the second.

I hated watching my mom get up in the morning for work. I had made me so uncomfortable, melancholy that I would numb the entire morning hours into awkward hours. Just staring at her always-same expressions, expressing: asphyxiate, execration laceration, prostration—all the way to life fluster. It was hard to get used to. She usually got up around six, the same time I would wake up for school just to make me breakfast. Most of the times I would lie myself away, no matter how hungry I was and tell her to go back to bed so she would get at least 30 more minutes of sleep.
I hatched around 11. It was a breezy summer morning in North Collins. I swear, I might have swallowed a generation of mosquitoes in my sleep from leaving the window opened. Claire left before I woke up because all so suddenly, her family decides to go out for breakfast with her great grandmother—who is probably breathing her last oxygen. I woke up with a post-it attached to my forehead saying “Got to go! Check your phone!”
My mom wasn’t home of course; she left about an hour ago to work. She left a note---not on my forehead, but on the refrigerator along with two ten dollar bills clipped under a magnet. It was for lunch. She left me some cold eggs and bacon in the microwave so my lazy ass could just heated up. I’d never cook for myself, unless my intestine threatens to take a bite of my kidney, but it never went that far.
About 90 percent of the people I’ve met told me that I look nothing like my mother. They’d all be surprised when my mom would introduce me to her friends—they only get it when they see the similarity of the longitude around our left to right ear. It’s kind of funny actually because I’ve never thought my head was big—it thought it was, ‘converted perfectly’ because I was always ‘big boned’. So it meant, if I gained five pounds, it would have made me look like I’ve gained twice as much—ok, shut up. I’m just big boned.

When I’d see myself in the mirror, I’ve never seen anything from any two sides of my family. I had my own two eyes and nose, small ears, and my own highly complimented shaped teeth. My mom would say that, ‘the good ones came from me.’ By which she means that entirely all the flaws had been passed down from my dad’s.
During my long, lazy brunch—companied by The Simpsons, the phone started to ring. I was certainly not in the districted distance from the phone. It might be the damn advertisers again; whom I sang to, accidentally. I meant to turn off the phone but instead, my butterfingers decided to slip to the ‘call’ button—and in the same time, I was singing along to Secondhand Serenade in front of my mirror—with my brush. Dramatic. As soon as the song ended, the first thing I heard was a small speaker answered voice through the phone that kept repeating “Hello?” But, when he had the chance to hang up, he decided to listen and monitor my voice---how fucking embarrassing.

accomplishment.

Ever since I woke up this morning, until now currently 9:25 p.m I've been sitting on my desk revising, editing, deleting-- my novel. Well, not all that hours straight- but mostly. Today I feel very satisfied with my work. I was well focused and nothing got in my way. I've researched a bit about how to write query letters- and I thought that was pretty damn hard- but I'm getting there! It was rather fun actually. I never thought i had this part of intelligence ever existed in myself. Ha ha. So- now I'm about to work on queries again. And if i finally get them all down on the practice paper the way I want it, I will be sending them to New York next week! This is too exciting, though I will have to expect a lot of rejections- :)
I drank two cup of coffees today secretly, without my mom knowing- but you know what's weird... when I drink coffee, it actually makes me sleep well, a bit too well. I say that to my mom and she thinks I'm on crack. Lol.
Well, how was your day?
accomplishment

query letters.

So, today i just found out that I was ready to send in some bunch of query letters to an publishing agency in New York! Thanks to Penny(: This is interesting because i don't think I've ever felt this passionate about anything before. I kinda really like this feeling. I feel like jumping off of my chair and just flying to the next building. But at the same time it's so nerve racking, stressing, pressurized- because i need a way to literally drag the agent's faces onto the paper. Something "catchy." This is all so new to me. Just like a baby's first step- and look where I am now. I've been editing all day long! I read the first four chapters over 10 times, I think? I regret for not reading as much as I was forced to when i was younger. I hated reading- yet I loved to write. Isn't that kind of a mix match? Well, right now I've saved up a little bit over a hundred dollars! (for my camera) and i can't believe it haha. Now i need 13 more of those hundreds and it would all be good.... but now that i think about it. I can wait for that... Why can't i just buy more books with these? I think it's a good idea... So, any recommendations?! For a teenager. I don't like "drama". I like action. Complexity. Sad. Tears. Dark, whateves! Recommend me of some of your favorites! But not like really hard ones... ha ha, I'm just now a beginner to this book worm world :) Thanks!

perfect day.[New York]

I want to go to New York city. Wake up around eight, get ready, wearing casual in sweatpants and a long coat. A black and gray checked scarf around my neck, letting my hair flow over the scarf and my shoulders. Heading to the furthest cafe' from my house, with my Nikon D90(that i dream of) and my journal. The day is going to be dense and opaque. Maybe a few drops of rain following along. Riding in the yellow cab, demanding the driver to take me to the closest cafe' by the Brooklyn Bridge. I would roll the window down no matter how cold it is. I would snap photos of everything in fast motion.
The second i step into the cafe with my camera hanging around my neck, pen clipped onto my pocket and my notebook firmly under my hands- i would trace scent of the coffee onto my seat. Order a hot cup or original cream coffee. Sitting by the window on the furthest back where not a lot is around. Quiet. Classic music playing. Piano strumming through my ears, and a little bit of violin mixture. Unwrap the scarf around my neck, pull of the coat and hang it around my chair. Trying to sit a bit more comfortable.
The waiter comes back with a tray and a cheesecake that i didn't order. Service. Then, i would start writing... Looking out into the rain, the yellow cabs passing by. The sound of the wheels burning on the concrete ground. People stepping over rain. Splashing as they walk by. People running to catch cabs, people trying hard to dodge the rain... it can go on forever...