Saturday, December 3, 2011


to: mom

This will be my last apology ever. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting..
Blaming time and this new chapter of life - wouldn't be the best excuse, but it's true. I'm finally 18. I waited so long for this- but again, I've never dreamed of a life after 18, and now that I'm starting to- I'm seeing and realizing so many things, and today- tonight, I am scared to death to face them. 
One thing I've learned in the past couple of months; I've learned to 'understand' my mom. Accept and just listen. Living with my brother probably wasn't the best choice- but it was the right choice; I so believe. But being away from my mom; the struggle showed how much she loved me still then and now, and seeing that now breaks me to my knees, but slowly I am getting up. The past couple of months, I was being immature- I didn't want to grow up. I tried avoiding people- but that only made me grow closer to them today. 
I tried to act so strong and tall, but at the end of the day- when I'm alone, I felt weaker than I have ever before. Crying didn't helping anything and I had no one by my side, only because I didn't want people in my life anymore. For one reason, I was scared because, soon the time will come again to leave, and walk onto a different wall..

So long story short.  I wrote a lot. I mean a LOT! For my birthday, I got 3 diaries from these lovely people- because they didn't want me to give up on writing. 
This birthday sucked- but it taught me a lesson and I'm willing to take that advantage and  use it against my weakness.
I can't believe it's already December! It only felt like a week ago,- when I was breathing in the cool autumn season- now it's raining and snowing! It's pretty cold here in Korea,. How is the weather over there?! Are you getting ready for the holidays?! <3

1 comment:

The Unknowngnome said...

Hey eighteen, glad you're back. :)

I'm happy your waiting has led you to understanding because eventually your understanding will lead you to wisdom. Remember, to everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the sun. (or snow) :)

We had our first snow for the winter yesterday about 200 meters up the mountain from us.

Your lovely people are correct, keep writing, and keep taking those pics you're so good at taking.