Thursday, February 24, 2011

I can't let this build inside me







I can't write anymore,
Because I am so angry with myself.
It's been a while sinced I've picked my pen back up- Last night,
it lasted 30 minutes with
Two words on one line,







'What if..'



I can't write anymore
until everything settles.
Last night, I've totally lost myself,
And that would be the last thing in the world I would ever want to go through again..
I hate it. I hate what I have to go through each day, everyday,
I hate what I see everyday,
I hate seeing myself living like this everyday,
I hate having to live another day, relying to the damn lies everyone f*^&ing built for me to climb on.
I hate seeing myself die a little every second.
+And I sincerly contracted myself a little two something.
1. Trust no one. Esp. The ones you've thought you'd see your life to begin again with. And your 'role model'.
2. The only reason why I haven't actually trying hurting or killing myself is for only one reason. I don't want to go to hell. (Haha)

Oh God,...
What good does it do when I pray.....right? No
I've cried myself to sleep for a few nights straight.
Even to (R.I.P) Larry, and daddy.
But, I really can't find any solution to this.
There is no solution..Now, what am I to do?

3 comments:

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Dasuntoucha said...

Now, what am I to do?

Write your way through it...when you see your pain and hurt written on a page it does tend to help you find out a solution...ONE::

我 MOI said...

'What if' is a very common starting point for a lot of poets. I remember the days when all I could begin were 'what if' simply because my own life had so many things I wanted to express from the past.