Monday, November 15, 2010

November 15th. Raw

Well, it is the 15th here in South Korea. Exactly 12:16 AM and I'm going to write somthing for myself.
As soon as it turned 12 A.M, my friends started texting me constantly saying happy birthday. Really put a long smile on my face for a few minutes...And then I started thinking about my age, and then myself, then my birthday. This is my 17th birthday- and I'm just suddenly missining so many people I used to celebrate with on this day. The ones that didn't relate at all to me, but allow me to join into their family like I was one...It's always been like that for as long as I can remember. I really don't remember celebrating a birthday with my own family. I guess it's true then, 'when you don't have a family at home, go make your own outside.' I didn't actually 'make one', it just came to me... But I am so thankful. You know, right now, I would just love to go back to them and show them, me. Who I have become, and how strong I am now, then I was then.. So young then... It's so hard explaining it on this blog because, I don't know, I'm just afraid of thinking about it and beating myself over the past- repeatedly..I think that's why I'm afraid to write right now, write a 'book'; and creating characters because, always, something in the characters have a whole bunch of me, in it than her. And it's more like writing about me than her. I'm just afraid to see the past again because it left so many scars as well as smiles... I kind of miss it too..

Haha, now, suddenly I'm just hating this day. Because the people I want today isn't here with me... The people I want is never here with me. And today, even though it's been years- they've been more 'family' to me than my own blood family. But I'm greatful for that, because if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't even know what the definition of family is.

Seriously, when will i get over the past and move on? I want to write.. Not about myself, but I want to create one with it's own past and present..Not mine..
Well anyways, thank you for reading this,.. Haha, I guess I just wanted to remind myself a few things before twilight.


geebambino said...

omigoodness - HAPPPY BIRTHDAYYY (: gotta make a birthday post on my blog for you :)

et said...

I dropped here after a while and OH!Surprise! You're 17, all of a Sudden?
And then I discovers I landed upon the exact date :)
Happy B'day my dear little girl, may u and your words shine forever!