Friday, April 17, 2009

remember


Remember when we were little, how a group of friends would go around in a circle, confronting our dreams for the future; all wanting fame, teacher, a mother, singer-- I miss the little circle. I miss those little friends. I've now kind of forgot who I really am. Walking around with a mask 24/7, It's no fun.

I'm tired of smiling for things I'm not happy about. I want to show others that I am not happy! I want to show tears--but at the same time I'm afraid to show my weakness.
Whatever God has planned out for me, I wish for the best.
I sincerely wish that this is just a test...


I have so many things clogged into my chest but I just can't seem to dump it out onto my damy arms
but one thing I've realized today. regret--for not trying my best. For being so effortless and expecting life to pay me back. Why am i so ignorant...


I need someone to talk to, to bring me back the real me. Real and raw from deep down inside shedding real tears not fake. I really thought this was when I was supposed to be entering the doors of opportunity but I may have been wrong...Hand-on-opportunities where I would just be offered, not to be fought for. But I was wrong. Stupid. Retarded. Effortless.

I need to be educated the right way to risk the negative into positive and to change myself--because I am not happy with who I've ended up to be--as if now. Guilty... :'[



This week was just too long...

2 comments:

Audrey said...

Hailey, it sounds like you are experiencing some real growth. You spoke about how you need to work for things, not expect them. It takes a lot of maturity to realize that. So be proud of that!

It is difficult to be a young adult. The world is full of opportunities - how do you choose the right path for you? I think that what might help you is to sit down, draw up a list of things that interest you and then decide what YOU need to do to achieve your future goals.
I see so much progress in this post Hailey! You are, and will continue to be, a superstar in my eyes!
xoxoxo

Sarah said...

calling yourself a naive 15 year old is extremely contradictive to your character. it takes a strong person to admit their weaknesses, admitting your faults in no way makes you weak. and you do need to work hard for what you get, it doesn't magically appear in front of you. do your best in whatever you do, make it a habit. you'll be sucessful one day :) i know you will be. ily<3