Slump

to: mom

This will be my last apology ever. I'm sorry for keeping you waiting..
Blaming time and this new chapter of life - wouldn't be the best excuse, but it's true. I'm finally 18. I waited so long for this- but again, I've never dreamed of a life after 18, and now that I'm starting to- I'm seeing and realizing so many things, and today- tonight, I am scared to death to face them. 
One thing I've learned in the past couple of months; I've learned to 'understand' my mom. Accept and just listen. Living with my brother probably wasn't the best choice- but it was the right choice; I so believe. But being away from my mom; the struggle showed how much she loved me still then and now, and seeing that now breaks me to my knees, but slowly I am getting up. The past couple of months, I was being immature- I didn't want to grow up. I tried avoiding people- but that only made me grow closer to them today. 
I tried to act so strong and tall, but at the end of the day- when I'm alone, I felt weaker than I have ever before. Crying didn't helping anything and I had no one by my side, only because I didn't want people in my life anymore. For one reason, I was scared because, soon the time will come again to leave, and walk onto a different wall..


So long story short.  I wrote a lot. I mean a LOT! For my birthday, I got 3 diaries from these lovely people- because they didn't want me to give up on writing. 
This birthday sucked- but it taught me a lesson and I'm willing to take that advantage and  use it against my weakness.
I can't believe it's already December! It only felt like a week ago,- when I was breathing in the cool autumn season- now it's raining and snowing! It's pretty cold here in Korea,. How is the weather over there?! Are you getting ready for the holidays?! <3