+++family..idk ++

I'm scared I'm scared,
Without him by my side,
I am scared,

I feel like standing alone in a broken cage,
Just waiting for someone- him to fly over and lead me to the free world,
It feels weird not having him here lecture me another class over dinner about the free world
every single tear strokes down my face,
Leaves a scar in my heart,
I flinch for breath- for air,
But feels wrong, without him being here to share.
Family once- family forever,
Lord knows how much we've been looking for each other-
I sincerly thank the Lord for bringing us into eachother lifes-
I really cant explain in words- I want to, but then I would just start crying..

2 days apart,
As I sit back in my own home,
Im just waiting, and waiting
because he said he would come sometime this or next week,
But again, I am so scared, So damn terrified that... That promise would me another failure. Like always..

-So tonight I'm just going to pretend I'm not waiting-
-And tonight I'm going to thank my heavenly father and my daddy in heaven for.. many things,
-And tonight I'm going cry my eyes out...


+ Now that he has entered my life... and I start to picture about my future- and my life. I am over thinking, but I pictured my elder life- where my hair would be faded into gray- and aged wrinkles lining down my face as I smile- and I think of death which everyone will go through in the end.. And think of him- I think of me- if he leaves, who will be there to watch me then when I fall?
I don't know, I'm sorry haha. I cant control my emotions right now.
I hate this emotion. I hate dealing with these things- it feels all new to me. I haven't felt this kind of thing since I was in the States..
I don't know.
I'm just scared I'm going to loose my brother.
Terrified...